23,146 miles.

IMG_1578

yep, that’s how many miles i have put on my dear hyundai elantra {emma kim, if you were curious as to her name} since i purchased her in august of 2011. when i bought her, her odometer read a respectable 3 miles {all of which was from my test drive}.

do you think it’s ridiculous that i have driven 23,143 miles in the past 16 months?

well, so do i. it is mainly because i am an idiot and refused to join a national guard unit when i moved 500 miles away from my original unit {& original platoon} in virginia. ergo, i find myself driving just over 1k miles once a month.

that, in addition to a number of distance car trips and my day-to-day driving {which, to be honest, is generally just from my apartment to my favorite cafe & back}, has somehow amounted to that astronomical number.

i’ve gotta admit, at first i really enjoyed the extensive commute. it was an excuse to be alone with my thoughts for seven hours at a time {lots of daydreaming potential, & we all know how i love a good daydream or two} as well as a great reason to enjoy north carolina bbq twice a month {once for lunch on the way up, once for lunch on the way back}.

however, it’s really starting to pain my soul:

i am tired of my heart racing // stomach dropping every single time i see a highway patrolman perfectly positioned behind a thicket of carolina pine running radar.

{even though i’m rarely going more than 5mph over the speed limit, i have never ::knock on wood:: been pulled over, so am irrationally afraid of it. ugh.} 

i am tired of spending 1/4 of my drill pay on gas + food.

{um, any double digit monetary expense is significant to me these days. sad but true.}

i am tired of wasting such a great deal of time just on travel.

{i got things to do, yo. things that DON’T involve sitting in a car for 14 hours/month.}

i am tired of feeling guilty about leaving such a large carbon footprint.

{okay, maybe not really but i still feel obligated to say so. whatever.}

i am also immeasurably pissed off at myself for not finding a unit closer to where i live sooner. i am such a fool. after an exceptionally frustrating drill weekend this month, i actually bothered to put forth the effort to search for an mp company near me.

fancy to know what i found?

why, yes! as a matter of fact, there is an mp company located a mere fifteen-minute-drive from my house.

wanna know the best part?

they deployed in october. 

please, let that sink in for a moment.

they deployed in october.

{!!!!}

do you know what that means?

it means that, had i gotten off my stubborn high horse ten months ago when i was in the process of moving down here, i could have deployed. i could have avoided all those pointless miles of frustrating commutes, all the creepy late night nap breaks at sketchy truck stops {don’t even ask}, all that wasted money on fuel + food, AND i could have solved my money problems {deployments = $$$$$} AND i would have been deployed at the same time as the boyfriend.

seriously, i want to punch myself.

oh wait, i already did.

right in the figurative balls.

when i chose not to be silly and stubborn and cling to ideals of robert e. lee-esque proclamations of “oh no, i am a virginian! i shall defend virginia! i shall forever remain a member of the virginia national guard!”

… seriously?

what is wrong with me?

:: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH ::

i will be over in the corner lamenting my poor life decisions if you need me.